Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
