I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
