i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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