i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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