Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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