I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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