In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
