my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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