He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
