Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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