you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
