if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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