Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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