I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
