She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
