I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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