soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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