I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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