You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she woke up with a sticky ear
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
