and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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