how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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