so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
