i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
