You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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