Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
