Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
