but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
