he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
