Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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