grandma shit on top of the toilet
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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