dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
