thus making me awesome and them whores
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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