Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
