I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
