Im at strip club and am horny
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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