you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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