the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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