My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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