My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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