so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
