I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
