I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
