You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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