rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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