I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
