i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
