Someone shit on the floor
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
