I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
