running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
