he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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