Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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