Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
