You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
