He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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