I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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