Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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