I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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