My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
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No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?