if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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