Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!