so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga