lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
