I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
