Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
being pregnant is like rehab
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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