just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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